Avoidant Rants

You know how most people actually like getting visitors? Well, I hate it. I hate it when my neighbors drop by unannounced. And it's usually to use the phone. It's not that they care. It's not "well I had some free time and I just wanted to say HI..." unless of course it's that one guy annoys the shit out of you, happens to be taken with you even though he knows you are seeing someone, accidently let's out the cat you're not supposed to have, and won't fucking leave once he gets there. And what are you supposed to say? "No, you can't use my phone. Get a job and buy your own. Need is not a virtue. Besides, I shouldn't have to tolorate the repulsive stench of your cigarette smoke on the phone when I am going out of my way to accomidate you... Oh, and another thing. I have no obligation to you. I don't like you, I don't trust you, and I don't want you around. Fuck off!"

But, that just wouldn't be nice now would it? Of course I'm an avoident narsissist, so why should I care? Because, unfortunately, part of being an avoidant is actually wanting social relationships but being unable to sustain them. Then there's the narsisstic part of me that is pretty selective on who I want to be friends with (which is part of the reason I don't actually like that many people), and that makes it even more difficult. So in essence I just want to socialize with the people that for one reason or another either can't, or won't. Pretty fucking messed up if I do say so myself.

And how do you tell someone.. "Don't don't correct my son when I am there, feed my son without my permission, and no I don't want you giving him money either. " Those just aren't nice things to say. but yet we've been force-fed this "be nice" indoctrination since before we turned 2. "Be nice to your sister," and "If you're not going to say something nice, don't say it at all."

Seriously, sombody help me get my fucking priorities in order. Being "nice" is not as important as being a responsible parent to my son. Hell, it's not even as important as being satisfied that you're doing the best thing for you and yours.

So yeah, I'm thinking about just not answering the door. (Not like it's obvious that I'm here when the cars out front and you hear a child yelling "I get the door, Mommy!") Jeez..